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There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but
failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again!
Do you have it, or need help in finding it?
Many people happily plod their way through life as if
they are on automatic pilot without giving a thought to
the direction in which they are heading. Other people
feel like they are swimming in treacle – putting in
super-human effort, getting nowhere and being dragged
down by the weight they have to bear. Other people seem
to be really lucky in that they are focussed and seem to
easily find solutions to most things that come their
way.
Strange isn’t it how different people can view and
ultimately deal with the same situation in diverse ways.
So who is right and who is wrong? The simple answer is
probably that the solution they find is right for them.
Have you ever had a brain-wave an idea that could be
life changing, spotting an enormous gap in the market
that could bring enormous business success and potential
wealth, but were reluctant to put it into practice?
Why do some people seem to have focus and single
mindedly follow it and gain success? There are many
candidate answers, but to find the right solution, for
you it can be helpful to look backwards before you can
move forwards. Are you, confident and positive about
your abilities? Do you get excited about new ideas? Can
you build a plan of how you will get from point A to
point B? if not, why not?
Could it be something to do with what you have learned,
or how you have learned? It can be argued that the
educational system has let many people down, because,
usually, it is paid for by the state and historically
schools were set up to educate people to be useful
members of society… and what is it desirable for those
members of society achieve? That’s right - lots of
profit for the heads of society. For many people who
attended a state school their options upon leaving were
limited because they were educated to work within
industry and not to lead it.
Why educate children with the confidence and skills
required to lead if it is financially rewarding for you
to educate a work force who are programmed to follow? It
is natural to follow well worn paths - the route of
least resistance – we learn through repetition until a
process is automatic and then we continue to repeat,
because we don’t have to think about it. There are
reasons though, to stop following the same well trodden
path –
• The path may be blocked
• The path may no longer be necessary
• There may be a better path to follow
If you think of a familiar path in terms of mental
ability – such as writing, or, signing your name, once
you have learned to write, you practice and practice,
because it’s necessary to write your name on your work,
so that the teacher knows who has produced it. Your
name, and indeed your style of writing has a familiar
pattern to it, your brain uses a familiar pathway – the
neural pathways, control the muscles and nerves in your
eyes and your arm and hand until you reach a
recognisable outcome. This ability becomes sooooo
familiar, and as you progress through to adulthood your
signature becomes unique to you, as this behaviour has
become a well trodden path… the only reason for a change
in this case is that there may, sometime in the future
be a better path to follow … if you sign your name
frequently you may streamline to make the process
faster. Have you tried to change your handwriting to
write consistently in another style? You will find that
a difficult task, because of the strength of the neural
pathway. The same can be said for any kind of change
that you want to make in your life.
If you transfer this pathway into a behaviour such as
bickering, the man has lost a crucial tool – he hadn’t
put it away and forgot where he left it. So he shouts
asking his partner where she’s put it. She hasn’t
touched it and tells him so. He barks back because he
wants it now. She responds angrily to the urgent demand
…. After a search it turns up discarded, where it was
last used. When the heated moment is gone if both
partners dissect the incident they will probably find
that although the detail varies - it follows a familiar
path… very similar to their last quarrel.
It is for this reason that a structural approach is
necessary. Often you have to move backwards before you
can move forwards. Once the pathway has been uncovered,
very often all that is required to facilitate a
monumental change to take place in part of your life,
for example a relationship issue, or a habit, or
addiction to be broken is to make a very subtle change
to the pathway. It could be as simple (as Milton Erikson
once did) as prescribing the couple to quarrel only in
the bath – the silliness of splashing water and being
told they had to quarrel resolved the behaviour.
The key to successful treatment is in unlocking the path
of a number of incidents so that a structure can be
found. Often simply using counselling, or psycho-therapy
to discuss the issue with the client will not uncover
the whole path of events so it is desirable to use
regression, under hypnosis to uncover the whole path.
Once the cause is found the effect is treated.
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