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IMPOTENCE
by
Christine Hargan, BSc (Hons)
Psychology
www.whatsholdingyouback.biz
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Most of the enquiries about
therapy come from women, but, a proportion of them phone
on behalf of their husband or partner – because he has a
problem. Occasionally the call comes direct from the man
and often the call is about that most dreaded of issues,
the one that is usually broached with euphemisms ….er,
er, ummmm, not quite sure how to broach this, but Percy
just won’t point any more can you help me? The first
question I ask is have you discussed your problem with
your doctor? And provided there is no underlying medical
condition the answer is usually yes, of course I can
help.
The origins of impotence are individual and could be
anything, however, stress is one of the biggest causes.
The root of the problem may be something as
insignificant as just one failure, perhaps you were just
tired, or under the weather. The main difference between
a man that suffers from impotence and the one who
doesn’t is worry. If you realise that the failure was
just a one off, and you are not pressured, you will
succeed the next time you try. Add to that a stable
relationship with a partner who will love and support
you through whatever hand life deals and you will never
have a major emotional problem. If, on the other hand
you have problems in your relationship there is anger,
friction and a judgmental, or blame oriented attitude,
it’s hardly surprising that you have an issue.
Many men have never
had a problem with impotence in their marriage, or long
term relationship, but when they approach a new
partnership the problem arises. Again this is most
likely a one off, caused by nerves or stress – perhaps,
particularly if you have been bereaved, or had a
stressful end to a previous relationship there is an
element of worry – maybe you feel subconsciously that
you are being unfaithful – perhaps its guilt, perhaps a
mixture of emotions and the added stress, that a
prospective new partner won’t stick around if you can’t
perform.
In a recent enquiry that prompted this article a wife
threatened suicide, by refusing to take medication, the
implication being ‘my death will be your fault’! The
death may be imminent or sometime in the distant
future…. (I can keep this going as long as I like), and
how would he know if she was taking medication all the
time?
After careful and considered thought the poor man has
researched therapists, in the area, rehearsed his
approach and made the phone call. All of this at great
personal cost, because, lets face it men are programmed
from a very early age, to keep a stiff upper lip and Not
talk about their problems. Now he is backed into a
corner – He speaks with a quiver in his voice totally
wracked with guilt I don’t know if you can help me –
Percy won’t point and I have driven my wife to attempt
suicide and what for? Simply, failing to communicate
effectively, a situation that both parties are jointly
responsible for!
And yes at the root of the issue erectile dysfunction is
very often of a psychological nature and can be treated
very successfully and expediently with hypnotherapy and
psychotherapy, because after taking a case history I
find the cause and then treat the affects. The issue is
not his - it belongs to both of you. The issue is trust,
intimacy and communication and the desire to please each
other within a partnership it does not belong solely to
the man.
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Christine Hargan, BSc (Hons) Psychology; Specialises in
and treats the causes and effects of emotional
disorders, confidence and addiction based issues with
hypnotherapy, NLP and psychotherapy. For further
information
www.whatsholdingyouback.biz
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